5 Minute Friday: Perspective

More throat is sore. Little Anna won't sleep. Hubs is working late. Again. I am exhausted and wonder what happened to my 'happy little normal' life.

Facebook can be a lot of bad things. A way to waste valuable valuable minutes. A way to feel bad about yourself compared to others. A way to get gossip and negative messages. Until you read about the distant friend from high school who's newborn is struggling to thrive, needing a shot in the thigh every day that 'might' prevent the seizures.

Suddenly, tears running down your chin, your sore throat feels like a distant annoyance and you just want to hold that little one all day long.

My heart pours out with gratitude that Anna is healthy, safe, and that I'm really going to be okay. I welcome the exhaustion and the stress, and can't imagine going back to that 'happy little normal' life that would feel so empty now. I pray for those who aren't as fortunate... and thank God for the Facebook posts that give me much needed perspective.

Child... You Are Fashionably LATE!

Ready when you are, Peanut...

39 Weeks. Thinking it could be any day now. ha.

Well, this child is taking after mom already. March 3rd came and went... suddenly I'm a solid 9 days 'past due'. Baby! We are ready for you, come on out!! It's hard to explain why this is so mentally challenging, but it is. And since I spent the first 15 weeks of my pregnancy laying on the couch, uncomfortable and blogging occasionally, it's only appropriate that I've come full circle. (Thanks Erin for encouraging me to write about this.)

Since March 3rd, everyday has been an interesting cacophony of advice, mental games, and crazy emotions. Some of the advice I've been given includes (but is not limited to):

Hiking in French Park (an easy walk)

• Walk. A lot. - I've walked miles and miles...Mark and I pick a new neighborhood everyday and just walk until I can't stand it any more. No baby, but I'm sure it's good for us!
• Massage specific pressure points on hands and feet. - Great excuse to get nightly foot rubs from Hubs, but still nothing.
• Eat Spicy Food. - Nothing but heartburn.
• Eat Pineapple. - I ate two whole pineapples in two days. I feel like I've become a pineapple.
• Eat Pizza. - Perhaps the most unhelpful advice was the guy at work that told me I HAVE to eat at "this pizza joint my wife ate at the night before she went in to labor with all of our kids. It's in Kentucky and called such-and-such... oh but they are closed." Thanks.
• Tell baby it's okay to come out. - Yes...we tell Peanut all the time, but this child is apparently stubborn just like his/her Dad.
• Drive on a bumpy road. - Really?
• Have sex. - This is not that type of blog. I'll not be revealing if we tried that one.
• Shine a flashlight on the ground beneath me so baby will head toward the bright light. - This one was obviously a joke but it made me laugh. (Thanks Jenn.)

So, all of those things that people swear by...none of them have worked so far. Guess I just need to let nature take it's course.

How I've coped? I have decided to unleash the power of positive thinking:
• I tell myself that the due date was actually a week off, and baby isn't really due until March 10! Well, now you're even late for that due date kiddo.
• So, I look at each extra day as a little gift from God to have more time with just Mark and I, getting things done and enjoying the freedom of not having an infant. This works most of the time, but we just really want to meet our little one!
• When I start to really get frustrated, I remember how fortunate we are to have made it to our due date. When I think of the families that were faced with premature births and all the fear and struggles that come with it, I am made painfully aware of how selfish I'm being. So I'm a little uncomfortable... I think I can manage to put up with that for awhile longer and let my baby come out when it is ready. We're so blessed that there is a happy healthy baby in there.

I'm just so so excited to finally meet this Peanut- and so is Mark. Boy or girl? Who's hair will she/he get? Will he/she like music like Mom; math like Dad? Come out baby...for the 100th time, we're ready for you!

Strange Behavior

While I figured my body would be going through many changes in these 9 months, I would have never guessed the kind of changes. On a regular basis I find myself stopping mid-action to say "Who ARE you?". Some examples:

1. I eat McDonalds.

Before pregnancy, you would never (okay rarely) find me eating at Micky Ds. Their chicken is obviously not really chicken, their 'healthy' options are gross, and everything on the menu is loaded with sodium, preservatives and other terrible things. I mean, haven't you seen Food, Inc? Or Supersize Me? If I had to have fast food, you'd find me at subway (veggie sandwich on flat bread) or Chipotle (veggie burrito bowl).

Until now.

This happened: I woke up the other morning, and  I was VERY happy because it was one of the rare mornings I felt halfway normal with some energy. I had some OJ and a Cliff Bar for breakfast then headed out the door. On my way to work, I saw those same golden arches I see everyday, but I suddenly had to have McDonalds breakfast SO BAD. Like...if you told me "no" I might have literally punched you. So I squealed into the parking lot, found the drive-through line as WAY too long, and so I marched inside. It may have been my imagination, but I'm pretty sure everyone saw 'crazy' in my eyes and got out of my way. I ordered 2 breakfast burritos and a coke (a coke!?) and it was glorious. I was half elated (I'm finally hungry yay!) and half mortified (a coke?!). Either way, a band of heathens couldn't stop me from that meal.

2. I forget things. (IMPORTANT things.)

The other weekend, hubs and I went back to his hometown in Indiana for a family get together, and we stayed the weekend. It was a lovely time, and as we left on Sunday I made extra sure we packed everything up, because occasionally I leave little things behind. Little things. We get half way to Cincinnati when I wanted to check my text messages. It took be about 30 seconds to realize my phone was in my purse...which was back at the In-Laws'. I was SO mad at me. My co-worker called it pregnancy brain so I'm going with that. Thankfully my Mother In Law is AWESOME and met hubs halfway the next day to deliver my precious articles. Still feeling guilty about that one. Stupid pregnancy brain.

3. I'm suddenly bad at parking.

Being pregnant has impacted my parking skills. Crazy, right? When I park, my car somehow ends up crooked, or not totally in one parking spot. Weird, I know. I'm quite certain I've always been a phenomenal parker. I guess it's one of those random side effects of being pregnant. Yup, never had parking issues before pregnancy. (Don't ask hubs about this...he'll lie and say I've always been bad at parking.)

Pregnancy has made me a bad parker. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

"All the pregnant ladies..." (video)

So around the time I began telling friends and family our news, I came to find out Beyonce (as in the singer) was also pregnant. Apparently, she had a big flashy reveal on the VMAs a few weeks ago. Darn Beyonce stealing my thunder.

Courtesy of socialiteworld.com  

In comparison, my not-so-flashy reveal:

Me: So...I'm pregnant.
Friend 1: Shut up, no you're not.
Me: No, I am. I know I'm laughing but I'm just nervous. I am.
Friend 1: OMG OMG that is so amazing and exciting! When are you due?
Me: Thanks! Due in March.
Friend 1: Did you know Beyonce is pregnant and due around then too?
Me: I didn't even know Beyonce was not pregnant.

(Yes, my friends are WAY more "pop-cultured" than I am.)

So embracing the excitement that Beyonce and I are gestating at the same time... I'd like to share a video. It's a parody of "All the Single Ladies" preggo style. It simultaneously cracks me up and impresses me. Enjoy!

My favorite part is the cake. I totally get that.
And congrats Beyonce!

The 3 Month Hangover (a sad & complainy post)

The only way I can describe how I've felt for the last 10 weeks is a constant hangover. I never ever gave enough credit to those who suffered from 'morning' (all day) sickness. I remember - years ago - rolling my eyes when someone I worked with said they thought pregnant women suffering from morning sickness should get a 3 month sick leave. "It can't be that bad" I thought. Oh do I regret that. I'm miserable and not hungry at all, yet ironically eating every two hours is the only thing that wards off getting sick. If I feel hunger coming on...kiss of death. Guaranteed I'll be running to the bathroom. So I'm forcing myself to eat and all I can eat is bread and crackers with peanut butter. And apple sauce. I'm also pretty sure I have a constant look on my face that resembles someone who just ate a lemon or something really gross. For the first 8 weeks no one knew why, which was even worse. Suffering in silence.

At one point, I wasn't keeping anything down, and the doctor was concerned I was getting dehydrated so she prescribed me this medicine that is supposed to take away the nausea. I was so excited about this I went right to the pharmacy and may have even smiled. The pharmacist, who was a very nice older gentleman, congratulated me and asked if I'd ever used this medicine before.

Me: No but I'm looking forward to not throwing up all the time.
Him: Okay, now, do you have to function during the day?
Me: Um, yes? I mean, I have to go to work if that's what you mean.
Him: Well, this drug can make you EXTREMELY drowsy. It's not always safe to drive.
Me: So, I can't take it during the day??
Him: Well you can cut it in half, and just take half of it.
Me: So I'll be half drowsy and half nauseous???

Dejected, I went home, took the not-so-wonder drug and slept for 12 hours.

Now I don't mean to complain... I realize it is all worth it, and at some point I will feel better. I just never ever realized it could or would be this hard. Some have a better first trimester than others, and for them, I'm happy. Or I will be happy for them, someday. But for now, all I can do is barely make it through the work day, and come home to the dent I've been making in the couch.

I can barely remember the life when I would not only work a full day, but start the day by running 5 miles then go to a meeting or a happy hour or dinner after work. Will that ever be me again? I really hope so.

Oh and lastly I have to give credit to the darling hubs who not only puts up with that horrible 'I-ate-a-lemon' face, but also:
- gets me peanut butter toast at midnight when I feel the kiss of death coming on
- cooks me dinner most nights even when I smell it and decide there is no way I can eat it, despite how good it probably is
- doesn't get mad when I then ask for ramen noodles instead of his gourmet creation
- has been king of the cat litter since the pink line incident

He's really freaking awesome, and I'm so glad to have him around.

How To Fake Drink From a Boot

So right after the whole peeing on a stick and figuring out I was indeed with child, I had to hop on a flight- solo- to Iowa for my cousin's wedding. Since my family is literally spread out coast-to-coast, we consider weddings and such to also serve as family reunions. It's all the same... hugs, tears, laughing, everyone telling stories and talking over each other, lots of food and... of course drinks.

I was tired, but felt okay. I knew I wasn't ready to talk about our new found situation with everyone. I was still having trouble believing it was true. The last thing I wanted was to tell someone, word gets out, and it turns out the tests I took were expired or malfunctioning or something. Anyway Mark and I decided to keep this a secret for now. Which made the wedding interesting.

I survived the rehearsal dinner by drinking soda waters (with lime) and I think I pulled it off. My wine glass was filled by the server so I kept sneaking it over to my sister, in exchange for her near empty glass. (Sorry J, now you know why you were so hungover the next day.) All in all I was proud of myself until all the cousins wanted to go checkout the nightlife in Des Moines. I really was super tired, so I just said "I'm too tired and going to bed." Aside from the obligatory accusations like "you're lame" and "you should be ashamed to call yourself a Spartan" everyone let me go in peace. Which was SO the right choice considering sister rolled into our room well past 3am smelling of pizza and tequilla. And yes at this point I could already smell EVERYTHING.

The wedding itself was an absolute blast... I continued on my Soda-with-lime ruse and rather enjoyed knowing I could still tear it up on the dance floor sans alcohol. (I'm not claiming to be good, mind you...but I did dance like a maniac along with all the drunkards.) This was probably my favorite part of the weekend...our family tends to have a good time when a dance floor in involved.

Then came the last call, and as I knew it would, conversation turned to "where are we headed tonight?" Apparently DSM has quite the social scene, as my sister/cousins discovered the evening prior. I tried the "I'm too tired" card again, but no one was having it. Some one even caught my feeble attempts on camera:

Me: But I'm so sleepy. 

Cousin & Sister: Whatever put your big girl pants on we're going drinking.

 

 

I once caught a fish "thiiiiis" big!

I don't know what prompted me to pee on the stick that morning. Something felt off, but I was fairly certain it was just my messed up body...not to mention my schedule has been out of whack since the marathon. I went from running an average of 30 miles a week to 10 miles a week. Of course that was causing this. I was so convinced that this was the case, I barely looked at the stick...just as I tossed it into the waste basket I saw it...a faint pink line next to the normal line. What?! Now I know why they sell those things in 3 packs. I tested one more time and sure enough the line came back. I would have tested again, but I was all peed out.

I finished getting ready for work and walked down stairs in a daze. The hubs was in the kitchen. "Um, honey?" I said. He looked at me, "Are we out of milk?" he asked. I told him we were, and then said the first thing that came to mind: "You're planning on sticking around for awhile right? Like Forever?" he smiled, came over to me and gave me a hug. "Of course. I'm pretty sure that's why I married you." Pause. "Why are you asking me this?"

Me: "Because we are going to have a baby?"

When hubs gets excited or amped about something, his arms flail out like he's showing you he caught a fish "thiiiiis big". He did that and goes "REALLY?!?!" all loud and boisterously. Then gets all misty eyed, hugs me, and keeps saying things like "Wow! Are you sure? Oh my gosh!" It was as good as a moment like that could go. As for me, I felt strangely unemotional. It still hadn't sunk in. And now I have to go to work, then fly out of town for a wedding.

The rest of the day was a blur. I do remember googling everything about pregnancy and finally having to cut myself off...too much too soon. But the last image I saw before I shut down, was a black and white photo of tiny baby feet in between two pairs of grown up feet. It stirred something inside of me- thoughts about what an amazing father the hubs will be...thoughts about laughing at something funny baby did...thoughts that this is happening and God obviously has a timing for everything, no matter what we think is best.

It was also the first time I got a twinge of fear- what if something happens to it?

And so it begins...